if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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