Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
