Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
