I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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