yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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