There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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