____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
