Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
