I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
