ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
