Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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