So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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