I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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