TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
