Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Randomize
