well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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