Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
