I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
