She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
