the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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