Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
