i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
