just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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