i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
