I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
