there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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