Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
