yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We are two peas in an std pod
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
