yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
