I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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