There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
