Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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