it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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