i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
