I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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