I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
