I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
