Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Randomize
