I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
