Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
