Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
