I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
