Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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