Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
