Yo dont text me then not text me
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
