I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
