So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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