I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize