Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
