I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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