You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize