I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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