Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
