I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
