can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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