So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Floor bacon is actually really good
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
