people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
