There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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