I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
