needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
