you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
