pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
