Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Buhtt sex?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
