I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
